Dear.....

Dear H.P. Printer,

I was in a hurry the other day and ran out of ink.  So I loaded you up with a brand new ink cartridge and pressed print; trying to get a report done before I left for work.  That's when you decided to do the alignment sheet.  Honestly!  Do you have to do one every time I put a new ink cartridge inside of you?  I couldn't believe the amount of ink you wasted; not to mention my time....did I mention I was in a hurry?

Sincerely,
Tired of You Wasting My Ink & Time

Dear Smart Ones,

I saw you in a magazine the other day and you looked delicious.  A white plate with mash potatoes that were drizzled with brown gravy and slices of turkey that were snuggled close by.  So I bought you for lunch.  The cover on the box looked just like the magazine picture.  I heated you up in my microwave for five minutes, anxiously awaiting my lunch.  Finally, you were finished!  I peeled the cover off and couldn't believe my eyes!  What happened?  The end product looked nothing like the cover on the box or the magazine pictures.

Yes, I was aware it would not be on a white plate; but I did expect some resemblance of what was on the cover.  The potatoes were flat and smelled liked cardboard that had been rubbed with a garlic clove.  The turkey slices were no bigger than a quarter and were floating around in some kind of brownish liquid.  But what was I to do?  I had placed my total faith in your product and had brought nothing else to eat.

I took one bite of your turkey and spit it out; I had to eat the potatoes because....did I mention I had no other food in the room?  Yes, you named your product appropriately, "Smart Ones" because you were clever in getting me to buy your product.  But that will be the last one on my end.

Sincerely,
Didn't Appreciate Starving Yesterday For Lunch


Dear Girl Who Had Road Rage,

I noticed you behind me as we were getting on the parkway.  You were trying your hardest to get around me, but couldn't.  I was going above the speed limit so it wasn't on my end; I had no control over all of the other cars that were boxing you in.  I watched you in my rear view mirror...you were making me nervous.  I could see the anger building up in you and if I could, I would have gladly let you in front of me.

We got off on the same exit and by this time you were literally on my tail...so I braked and pulled over.  That's when you lost control and almost hit me and I laid on the horn.  Then things started getting strange because now I was in back of you and apparently we were going to the same place.  Sorry, I took my camera phone out and took a picture of your license plate as you were watching me in the rear view mirror.  That was spiteful....and I have repented.  I was not angry...but apparently you thought I was now stalking you because we were going to the same place!

So you were trying to get away from me...but I wasn't stalking you!  I had to go that way...that's where I was going.  I noticed you hung a sharp right to escape get away from me.  That whole experience was strange and I hope you learned a lesson that day.  Life is too short for all of that anger and where were you going in such a big hurry?  Wal-mart?  Really?

Sincerely,
Sorry I Took A Picture of Your Car

This felt good, I always like to take time and catch up on my correspondence.  And for all of you who wished you could turn back time.....just think, that's exactly what we did last weekend!