Faces I Never Want To See

I'm a pretty nice person; there aren't many people that I don't get along with.  But there are three faces that I hope never to see in my lifetime.  I will start with number three:

Government Official

A government official of any kind at my back door handing me a government letter containing information I really don't want any part of.

Number Two:   

Prison Guard

A prison guard that is viewed from within prison bars.  I'm claustrophobic so the thought of that happening, chokes me up a little.

Now for the final person I personally have no desire to meet within my lifetime---drum roll please----Drats!  What is that?  Hold on somebody is at the back door.

"Are you Vickie Holmes?" 

"I can't believe it!  I was just writing about you in a blog--well almost writing about you.  What on earth are you doing here--in my kitchen?"  I asked with my mouth wide open--momentarily forgetting that this is someone I did not ever want to see.

"Hold on--I need to let the readers know, I'll be right back."  Now I know you think this has to be impossible but--drum roll please (again) for the first person on my list I never wanted to see face to face and he is now standing in my kitchen waiting for me to post this --is:

Dr. Oz

I ran back into the kitchen trying to pull my thoughts together.  

"What on earth are you doing here?  This is uncanny!" I said with uncanniness dripping on my kitchen floor.

"I have been appointed Czar of What You Eat by this administration.  We conducted a little experiment awhile back and you, unknowingly, were a big part of this study." said Dr. Oz with that smirk on his face.

But the cameras were rolling so I maintained my pleasantries as I replied, "Really--how wonderful and what might that study be?"

"I put micro-chips in specific candy boxes during the Valentine season--to track how much a person ate out of the box.  You bought a box that contained one of those micro-chips."

"Well, I didn't buy the candy my husband bought it for me.  I think it's really him you are after--thanks for stopping by--it's been a pleasure."

I could tell this ploy was not going to work with the Dr. Oz (written sarcastically).  

"Your box of candy sent alarms ringing all over Washington--within a few days you had totally obliterated the top layer of the candy.  Unprecedented in our books."

Are you kidding me?  They are now tracking every bite we eat--in our homes no less?  But the cameras were rolling, he travels with a crew, so I smiled sweetly hoping to distract him with my dazzling pearls (code word for teeth).

"I am here to help you with your apparent eating disorder that is abating the obesity crises we now have in America. I have brought my biodegradable trash bag to throw away all of the food you have in the house.  This will be replaced with food made from straw and sprouts that grow underneath rocks.  Let's get started boys!"

My mind was racing--no way was this wizard from Kansas throwing away my processed foods!  Life is too short!

"Stop!  Yes, I did receive that box but upon receiving it sent the whole box over to my daughter's house.  She loves chocolate with a passion you should only whisper about. Here's her address."

He quickly packed up his camera crew and left me with a few tips.

Exhausted, I sat back down on the computer trying to take in everything that had just transpired.  I found my mind wandering to my trash can that was in the kitchen.  "I'm glad he wasn't into recycling because that is something I've been meaning to get around to."

Hold on....somebody is at the door.....