Chapter One

Feelings

"Why aren't you saying anything?"  I asked as I shifted the phone from my right to left ear.  I wish my neck was stronger; always hard for me to balance the phone.

"I'm just letting you react." said Him.

I sat for a second.  A little stunned at the insensitivity of this person I've spent more than half my life with. 

"Hey I gotta go, somebody is at the door.  I'll see you tonight."  There was nobody at the door.  I just needed a second to comprehend what just happened.  Who says that to someone?  "I'm just letting you react?"  I could understand if he was a clinical psychiatrist and he dealt with emotional females all day long.  But he is not....he deals with numbers not people.

I finished what I needed to do that afternoon and had supper ready when he came home.  He was fine but after a few minutes could tell that I was a little...shall we say cool? 

"What's the matter? Are you upset for some reason? asked Him.

"You hurt my feelings earlier today...on the phone."  As soon as I said the word feelings I could see something cross his face.  He hates the word feeling and anything that goes along with it.  Nothing was said and he went outside to work in his garden.

I was so angry and hurt.  Was it wrong for me to have feelings?  Well I had them now and they were busting at the seams.  I needed to cool off so I laced up my running shoes and hit the trail.  We had a wonderful trail in our neighborhood that was great for running or walking.  A good place to lose yourself in and allow your thoughts to roam.

"Well it's not worth everyone being upset. I'll just take what I'm feeling and push it down; like I always do." A couple of people passed and looked at me strangely.  Oops--I forgot I was talking out loud again.  

I was thinking about some scripture I had read earlier about Christ.  Well good grief, Christ had feelings and He expressed them.  Didn't He?  If I remember my lessons correctly the whole gambit of feelings were touched upon at some point.  I wrapped it up and came home; eager to get a shower and relax.

"We are really getting some big tomatoes this year." gleamed Him.  Talking about feelings....